An Apololgy

This evening I happened upon a primitive, yet shameful reminder of one misguide attempt to better myself as a student and as a contributing member of society. Lofty? Yes. And considering the magnitude of such an endeavor, I needed a strategy. Being the planner that I was (and still am), I thoughtfully jotted down some guidelines to help me keep my priorities in sight and aligned to achieve global success. It was a good exercise to help me get my shit together. I'm sure I thought it was a good idea at the time, but some 23-odd years later, this all comes off rather as proof of having born the most ruthless and coldhearted machinations to achieve epic social and academic status. Cruella DeVille comes to mind. Or Hitler. Or Stalin.

Scary, considering I was only twelve when I wrote this shit. And let's call this what it is, ladies and gents, for shit it is, albeit it is slightly hysterical shit (the kind of hysterical that gets a person medicated in a padded cell)... It is apparent to me now that in addition to being shallow, catty, callous, and a bit of a stalker, I also must have had an enormous fear of being lost. (And lets face it, folks -- all 3 of you -- I was lost in soooo many more ways that I realized...) I'm surprised I didn't include a map of the school with highlighted shortcuts between my locker and the nearest bathroom mirrors.

While this is a seriously late apology to the people named within, please know that it is truly heartfelt... I am aghast at the person I was in my errant youth, and hope I've improved at least a little bit. And I'm a little bit thankful that my readership includes no one who's been named... That would be too embarrassing! (*Sidenote: all lower case letter i's were dotted with an enormous balloon dot.) Here's what I wrote:


HEADING FOR 7th (GRADE).

1. Get to know way around school.
2. Making the grade, and new friends.
3. Get to be popular, and be good friends with "The Ginsberg" (the unlucky apple of my eye at the time)
   
4. Memorize where locker is, find out where Lisa's locker is + Bo's.
5. Don't act like a teacher's pet or aim directly at being one.

SCHOOL ACTIVITIES.

1. During gym, when a running period, aim for a good score.
2. If time for small talk (between classes, saying hello) fine, otherwise get to classes early.
   
3. For basketball or rally team, try out, or even for track (if open for girls)
4. Hang around a bit, with about 3 or 4 girls.
5. TRY to be yourself. Try not to be over-popular, or always be encircled.
6. Don't show off (Wow. Conceit.)
7. Don't swear, (aww, hell with it!) but don't act like a goodie-too shoes. Hang around with good people. Not the street-type girls (because LOJHS was just BRIMMING with prostitutes), or the too homely kind (C---- M-----). (This girl's name was actually spelled out. As low as it goes.)

LUNCH HOUR

1. On first day, find Lisa, and Becky, and Leslie (Keep and eye on Bo.).
2. Be nice to people. (Even to the "homely" people???)
   

Thankfully, this is where my strategic planning to become the youthful mid-'80s combination of Brooke Astor and Paris Hilton ended. Regretfully I never burned the damned notebook, because evidently it contains the heart of me as a 7th grader -- a complete moron who was a little swept away in her Sweet Valley High book collection and forgot all of the simple, important lessons she learned in Sunday school about compassion for others and the simple art of humility. I was a good kid -- I'd at least like to think -- but thank the Lord I was never popular, it would have gone to my head.

Thank God I'm having another baby boy. Who knows what a girl of mine would be capable of...